Floods & Insecurities

Ya know I've never been the girl who blogs. The one that confesses her feelings out to the cyber world. Perhaps some guy or girl out there that may googled something else and stumbled on my blog. In any case, I'm not a nut job. I'm an artist. Scratch that. I'm a cancer. Well, I don't really know who I am anymore. I guess this flashes of insecurities just keep coming back to me even when I know it happened way over 10 years ago. But I still feel pain. Pain on not being able to look someone in the eye when I'm talking because I'm afraid they might see me. I hide behind humour and sarcasm sometimes just so that I don't set myself up for being vulnerable. That way, I could hurt people first before they hurt me. But after so many tv shows and korean dramas, I thought I had a revelation. I'd like to trust people. But I don't think I can give them my full trust. I'd like to trust my boyfriend of four years; who has been more than willing to put up with me. But I just don't know how. Tell me where to start. Help me. Because I don't know a single guy out there who is even capable of trust. Those guys just exist in the movies. I'm scared 'virtual diary'. I was quite taken aback by his decision today. He's decision to go study. I mean I don't want to be selfish but is this really the time? I've waited 3 years to graduate from the hell hole I called a school and he never once complained. He said he was waiting for me so we could get married. But something changed. Something I said. I know I'm the idiot who always has to open her big mouth. Really. He is just another insecure and indecisive man. I never objected to him working at that place. Never. I always just wanted what's best for him. I really do. I never made fun of what he is doing because I always respected his ability to be rational and his intelligence. Why now?

1st Clubbing Dat Rocked Socks!

I am gonna blog about this night. Because this memorable night, at the age of [Erhemz], I went to my 1st club Rebelz with my buddies V & U! It was so exciting. To be able to go back out there and dance until my tummy hurts. So this is what dancers feel like on So You Think You Can Dance. Haha! Nonetheless it got slow at first, albeit U brought along a friend, which I don't even know her name and U's friend brought along a friend, which goes by my favourite name D. D was quite cute though I was very shy and couldn't strike up a conversation with him. They started drinking and wanted to get high but I was just happily sipping my coke. I got high on the music and lights and it was like a fairy tale. At one point 2 guys wanted to dance with me. I didn't think that I'd ever get any attention. Though they were somewhat less than par, I still nit-pick because hey, better than nothing right? Compared to where I've been previously, I think that this is a far stretch. Way far. Because I'm not a party animal and an avid clubber, I just don't get asked out that often. So I let loose. At one point D was asking me why my glass was bigger than theirs cause they were drinking the good stuff but still not high. I said mine was coke and I swear above all that loud music, I thought I heard him say, "Well, my cock's bigger." Major epic LOL. I always spewed my drink. Then he left early. I didn't even get to ask him to dance with me. I guess he's not interested. But overall I didn't really put much hope and attention to it. Least I had fun with my girls. And V danced! Haha. Terribly but it was awesome.

The A-Team = Awesome Beyond Damage!

Ok. Ok..OK!! The A-Team is too darn freaking awesome! A reasonable movie with a reasonable plot but the insane antics and the crazy comedic acts are just too hilarious! Nuff said. I simply just love this movie :]

Despicable Me

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I can't wait to watch this one! The trailer is so cute and many laughters and giggles ahead!

I can't wait to watch this today. Though it comes as a bit too late because I think this movie's about to be done from screenings. LOL. Well will tell you how it goes. :]

Eclipse? More Like Barf-Ville.

You know. Twilight fans are gonna have a field day if any of them finds my blog. Here's why.

A ] Mainly cause I hate on the characters so much that even they're Momma's don't approve
B ] Teenagers nowadays are so gullible and will take shit for shit
C ] Why do I even need to mention this option?

First of all before I get any haters on my tail [or maybe not], I'd like to say that I was a Twilight junkie when it first hit the screens. And like any wild teenage girls screaming wildly for Rob-My-Heart Pattinson, I too was at his corner faithfully and found his character [ Luckily I wasn't too detached from reality and could still tell I was only in love with Rob-Me-Senseless Patz for his character, Edward-Perfectly-And-Endearing-Yet-Creepy Cullen. I thank God everyday for that revelation.] Edward Cullen a gorgeous hunk of a man that every girl needs in terms of security, fashion, money, crawling in your room, glowing like diamonds [Literally, diamonds are a girl's best friend.], protection that even the FBI can't give and many much more awesome boyfriend quality I'm sure. I religiously bought the 4 books to the series, magazines containing Robby's pictures and all the qualities of a future stalker. I could watch Twilight over and over but after a few months passed, waiting for New Moon, hearts changed.
I became less engaged in the Twilight world as the popularity soared and many many more screaming girls joined in. It became too common and last season. So I laid low for a while and started getting hooked on other things like the new hot vampires coming into the picture [Yes yes Vampire Diaries. Oh lord kill me now. Whoopee. ].
New Moon isn't even worth mentioning. Nuff' said.
Then Eclipse was suppose to be my glimmer of hope. My new come back into the Twilight cult. But it was disappointing. I mean I didn't set the bar high at all cause I knew what was coming but seriously I was just infuriated by the fact the Rock-star-wannabe Pattinson now changed Edward Cullen into him. What happen to the gentleman with the neat hair? I mean that was his essence. The whole other worldly charm; the whole from another era structural background that he exudes into the modern society. Ok, I give credit that he made the whole idea of wanting Bella to be a VIRGIN genuine. Least I thought so. But why the heck touch his hair man? Then comes all the unnecessary kissing part which conquered the whole entire movie instead of showing the good action that could ensue from the fighting scene. It freaking lacks intensity and where the heck did they get actors that make unbelievable vampies? Sorry guys. I'm not buying it. Eclipse is total Bull. Guess I know I won't be watching MTV movie awards anytime soon because I know they'll win when they clearly don't deserve it. Thank you teenage screaming girls.