The Ties That Don't Bind

Times like this i feel truly alone. Very lonely. I stand here taking abuse day in and day out and its causing me permanent damage to my self esteem. Why? Why is it so fun to torture me? Was it because that you've prayed for something you've wanted and set your hopes so high that you can't believe that I'm standing here today, a total disappointment to you? Was I not your ideal of perfection with well manners, good education and career to show off to people? You couldn't accept me and you never will. Deep down I'm the burden that you have to carry; spewing words like hell and damned. I am the damned & i will go to hell. Its mental torture. There should be a trauma ward that admits mentally tortured souls. I'm pissed. Truly pissed. Is there a moment where i could get peace? Where i could have trust without the speech of family values and honor that follows? Whats more pissy is having a boyfriend who is emotionally handicapped. Ask him to provide you financially, he'll man up and do it. He'll do whatever you want but when you cry, when you cry your eyes out and ask for his love and understanding, even for just one second, he is silent. He could never utter a simple sentence but lets you be engulfed in more misery. Are all men emotionally handicapped? I wasn't expecting a hollywood-movie scene; just a small nudge. You know girls are never hard to please. When you learn through the loopholes, we're the most easy-going creatures. Why not do the simple task for a change? You don't need fancy dinners, fancy gifts, just bring us out for a pizza, crack some jokes and show me that you're there for me. I would be happiest. Guess not. Not now and not ever.

Floods & Insecurities

Ya know I've never been the girl who blogs. The one that confesses her feelings out to the cyber world. Perhaps some guy or girl out there that may googled something else and stumbled on my blog. In any case, I'm not a nut job. I'm an artist. Scratch that. I'm a cancer. Well, I don't really know who I am anymore. I guess this flashes of insecurities just keep coming back to me even when I know it happened way over 10 years ago. But I still feel pain. Pain on not being able to look someone in the eye when I'm talking because I'm afraid they might see me. I hide behind humour and sarcasm sometimes just so that I don't set myself up for being vulnerable. That way, I could hurt people first before they hurt me. But after so many tv shows and korean dramas, I thought I had a revelation. I'd like to trust people. But I don't think I can give them my full trust. I'd like to trust my boyfriend of four years; who has been more than willing to put up with me. But I just don't know how. Tell me where to start. Help me. Because I don't know a single guy out there who is even capable of trust. Those guys just exist in the movies. I'm scared 'virtual diary'. I was quite taken aback by his decision today. He's decision to go study. I mean I don't want to be selfish but is this really the time? I've waited 3 years to graduate from the hell hole I called a school and he never once complained. He said he was waiting for me so we could get married. But something changed. Something I said. I know I'm the idiot who always has to open her big mouth. Really. He is just another insecure and indecisive man. I never objected to him working at that place. Never. I always just wanted what's best for him. I really do. I never made fun of what he is doing because I always respected his ability to be rational and his intelligence. Why now?

1st Clubbing Dat Rocked Socks!

I am gonna blog about this night. Because this memorable night, at the age of [Erhemz], I went to my 1st club Rebelz with my buddies V & U! It was so exciting. To be able to go back out there and dance until my tummy hurts. So this is what dancers feel like on So You Think You Can Dance. Haha! Nonetheless it got slow at first, albeit U brought along a friend, which I don't even know her name and U's friend brought along a friend, which goes by my favourite name D. D was quite cute though I was very shy and couldn't strike up a conversation with him. They started drinking and wanted to get high but I was just happily sipping my coke. I got high on the music and lights and it was like a fairy tale. At one point 2 guys wanted to dance with me. I didn't think that I'd ever get any attention. Though they were somewhat less than par, I still nit-pick because hey, better than nothing right? Compared to where I've been previously, I think that this is a far stretch. Way far. Because I'm not a party animal and an avid clubber, I just don't get asked out that often. So I let loose. At one point D was asking me why my glass was bigger than theirs cause they were drinking the good stuff but still not high. I said mine was coke and I swear above all that loud music, I thought I heard him say, "Well, my cock's bigger." Major epic LOL. I always spewed my drink. Then he left early. I didn't even get to ask him to dance with me. I guess he's not interested. But overall I didn't really put much hope and attention to it. Least I had fun with my girls. And V danced! Haha. Terribly but it was awesome.

The A-Team = Awesome Beyond Damage!

Ok. Ok..OK!! The A-Team is too darn freaking awesome! A reasonable movie with a reasonable plot but the insane antics and the crazy comedic acts are just too hilarious! Nuff said. I simply just love this movie :]

Despicable Me

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I can't wait to watch this one! The trailer is so cute and many laughters and giggles ahead!

I can't wait to watch this today. Though it comes as a bit too late because I think this movie's about to be done from screenings. LOL. Well will tell you how it goes. :]

Eclipse? More Like Barf-Ville.

You know. Twilight fans are gonna have a field day if any of them finds my blog. Here's why.

A ] Mainly cause I hate on the characters so much that even they're Momma's don't approve
B ] Teenagers nowadays are so gullible and will take shit for shit
C ] Why do I even need to mention this option?

First of all before I get any haters on my tail [or maybe not], I'd like to say that I was a Twilight junkie when it first hit the screens. And like any wild teenage girls screaming wildly for Rob-My-Heart Pattinson, I too was at his corner faithfully and found his character [ Luckily I wasn't too detached from reality and could still tell I was only in love with Rob-Me-Senseless Patz for his character, Edward-Perfectly-And-Endearing-Yet-Creepy Cullen. I thank God everyday for that revelation.] Edward Cullen a gorgeous hunk of a man that every girl needs in terms of security, fashion, money, crawling in your room, glowing like diamonds [Literally, diamonds are a girl's best friend.], protection that even the FBI can't give and many much more awesome boyfriend quality I'm sure. I religiously bought the 4 books to the series, magazines containing Robby's pictures and all the qualities of a future stalker. I could watch Twilight over and over but after a few months passed, waiting for New Moon, hearts changed.
I became less engaged in the Twilight world as the popularity soared and many many more screaming girls joined in. It became too common and last season. So I laid low for a while and started getting hooked on other things like the new hot vampires coming into the picture [Yes yes Vampire Diaries. Oh lord kill me now. Whoopee. ].
New Moon isn't even worth mentioning. Nuff' said.
Then Eclipse was suppose to be my glimmer of hope. My new come back into the Twilight cult. But it was disappointing. I mean I didn't set the bar high at all cause I knew what was coming but seriously I was just infuriated by the fact the Rock-star-wannabe Pattinson now changed Edward Cullen into him. What happen to the gentleman with the neat hair? I mean that was his essence. The whole other worldly charm; the whole from another era structural background that he exudes into the modern society. Ok, I give credit that he made the whole idea of wanting Bella to be a VIRGIN genuine. Least I thought so. But why the heck touch his hair man? Then comes all the unnecessary kissing part which conquered the whole entire movie instead of showing the good action that could ensue from the fighting scene. It freaking lacks intensity and where the heck did they get actors that make unbelievable vampies? Sorry guys. I'm not buying it. Eclipse is total Bull. Guess I know I won't be watching MTV movie awards anytime soon because I know they'll win when they clearly don't deserve it. Thank you teenage screaming girls.

Kick Ass Movie >> Review

Two words to describe the movie: Unexpectedly Awesome. I think its time they make something from a comic book so cutting edge and full of gore and vulgarities, its so obnoxious and obviously not for kids that its amazingly hilarious and good. A couple of 'scuba diving' suit-wearing wussy geeks who tries to do something about the crimes commited against the world and is making a stand for it but is too screwed up and helpless is amazingly entertaining to watch but also serves as a good learning purpose. The awesome action from Hit Girl and her 'batman' dad, played by nicholas cage, is so captivating and creates a whole new different meaning between the bond of a stereotypical relationship and daughter and dad. The essence is greatly captured and I say this movie is a must watch of 4/5 stars.

Departure Of Shawn Michaels From WWE

Shawn Michaels Hickenbottom, or better known just as Shawn Michaels, is another 'old time' wrestler that has departed from the WWE industry. He first debuted in WWF in 1988, the year I was born and I must say at 44 years old, he doesn't age well but he's still the great performer and charismatic wrestler I've always felt he is. This untimely retirement is very upsetting indeed as I expected him to be of the same calibur as Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan. Rick Just retired and ironically, it was Shawn that battled out his last match but Hulk Hogan is still in the wrestling business. He became known as the cocky, arrogant jerk back in the 90s, alongside his partner Triple H but fans love his antics and found them to be humorous and entertaining. The key word here is 'entertaining'. He has alot of issues internally, as stated by Shawn himself and I feel, after the Montreal Screwjob and the retirement of Ric Flair, he has been "dying" inside. It has been chewing into his life and you could see it in his eyes. He became more and more troubled and with his back injury, he became an amazing superstar, but maybe less of a great athlete. Nonetheless, he fought his way out still managed to kick ass and put on a great show. The courage and his flexibility fabricates a painful and worn out Shawn Michaels. I find life without him in the WWE hard to imagine and very costly to Vince Mcmahon( Owner Of WWE ).
More and more wrestlers, I felt, are getting fed up of the PG rating, especially the old timers and Vince is making a move that could perhaps fold his company as fast as it attracts the new generation kids. The wrestling world now is full of lame antics and 'Hornswoggle' acts and turns the business into a circus act and less of that cutting edge, sports entertainment show we have come to love back then. How long can these kids still be kids? Don't get me wrong. Beyond a shadow of a doubt the wrestlers all deserve respect for doing what they're doing; putting their bodies through hell just for the entertainment of the people. But is it absolutely necessary to portray a 'clean' image on the kids when swear words are already a part of upbringing, what with the social influence and other forms of media. Giving PG to wrestling is very silly as its still constitutes violence; they just bleep out the entertainment part as a side show for kids. Its effin ridiculous.

I've always loved Shawn Micheals, well mainly because he's hot the way he is, but he is also charismatic and isn't afraid of taking shit from anybody. Together him and Triple H portrays the significance of friendship and brotherhood. The Shawn Michaels marketed by WWE today is very much PG, less of him running around in his underwear unfortunately, but he is still funny and is worth watching and cheering on for. He is much less of an ass and he is more reformed in his actions and is an obvious more or less a man of religion. Its sad that he has to retire maybe because Vince still hasn't remove the stick that's stuck so far up his ass but Shawn is the reason why I still watched WWE. Now that he's gone, I find the life slowly draining out of each show, each match. I pray that he is well, and starts a brand new life with his beautiful wife and kids and I truly miss him very much.