The Ties That Don't Bind

Times like this i feel truly alone. Very lonely. I stand here taking abuse day in and day out and its causing me permanent damage to my self esteem. Why? Why is it so fun to torture me? Was it because that you've prayed for something you've wanted and set your hopes so high that you can't believe that I'm standing here today, a total disappointment to you? Was I not your ideal of perfection with well manners, good education and career to show off to people? You couldn't accept me and you never will. Deep down I'm the burden that you have to carry; spewing words like hell and damned. I am the damned & i will go to hell. Its mental torture. There should be a trauma ward that admits mentally tortured souls. I'm pissed. Truly pissed. Is there a moment where i could get peace? Where i could have trust without the speech of family values and honor that follows? Whats more pissy is having a boyfriend who is emotionally handicapped. Ask him to provide you financially, he'll man up and do it. He'll do whatever you want but when you cry, when you cry your eyes out and ask for his love and understanding, even for just one second, he is silent. He could never utter a simple sentence but lets you be engulfed in more misery. Are all men emotionally handicapped? I wasn't expecting a hollywood-movie scene; just a small nudge. You know girls are never hard to please. When you learn through the loopholes, we're the most easy-going creatures. Why not do the simple task for a change? You don't need fancy dinners, fancy gifts, just bring us out for a pizza, crack some jokes and show me that you're there for me. I would be happiest. Guess not. Not now and not ever.